The other day, when I went to McDonald’s to skype in on my music class (because the internet is a little more stable), I usually try to order something so that I am not considered rude just sitting there using the internet. So I went up to the counter, and I was ready to order a medium fry and a coke. I was carefully looking on the menu and going over in my head what I was supposed to say (Moyenne frite and coke). Whenever I want to talk to a French speaking person, I get nervous, so I just began speaking. I proceed to say “moyenne frite” and she gives me this weird look so I try to point and then she is like “Oh!” and then I say “Coke” and she says “Oui.” When I look at the cash register to see how much I notice 6, 40. The price surprised me, but I was a little frustrated that I didn’t say it right, so I just gave her the money anyways and waited on my food. Well, when I received my food I had a FISH SANDWICH MEAL. I think I need to work on my French a little more. :)
Today, I went to H&M and looked around. The more I go into that store, the more I fall in love with it. I finally found a cute shirt (because I really didn’t pack any) and some cheap cute shoes (because all I have are my chacos and Merrell boots). I go up to the counter and I was going to try everything in my might to let her think I was a local. The lady in line in front of me was paying and I noticed the cashier said “mioafonaefnoaioefjieoaf” (that’s what it sounded like to me). I figured she was asking about getting some sort of store card and the lady purchasing said a quick “No.” When it was my turn, I shook my head when I think she asked “Is this all?” and then she said the thing I heard earlier and I said “No” with complete confidence. She nodded and I felt so much like I fit in with the language like I understood her. I then left with an Au Revoir and felt really good about myself. :)
I don’t care about money. I don’t care about a big house, a nice car, beautiful vacations, or a big diamond ring. Really. I care about being so in love with you that I don’t need designer makeup and vacations and investments to pad my life. Let’s fall head over heels in…
This summer has not ended up as I planned. At first, that was a bad thing and I was, to tell you the truth, angry at myself for not making my plans become realities. That is just it. I had the wrong perspective. My plans. My fault. This whole experience of coming in to summer (it being the first unplanned summer because I don’t have band camp or drum corps to keep me motivated) has taught me patience and relinquishing control of my life to God. I can talk about having less control over things all day, but until I really experience it, I will never know exactly the kind of faith that Christians are supposed to have.. the kind that is led by faith and not by sight.
Since summer has its own plans for me, it has turned out really well. Cassidy Williams and Deidre Walters have been staying with me and my house has been kinda like a dorm, but I love it! Its teaching me to be selfless with my possessions and learn to live with people. I have become a lot closer to them and am privileged to have them share my house with me.
I am endeavoring to do a scrapbook of my adventures as being a college student. Its time-consuming, but I enjoy it and I think I will be glad that I did thirty years from now.
I am also becoming a journalist. I got a journal for my birthday (two weeks ago) and the more I write in it, the more I want to write in it.
In regards to the ‘homely’ part of my title, I want to learn to be more of a homemaker. I’m currently knitting-dishcloths and scarfs. My grandmother sews, so I’m going to try to learn some basics in sewing and hopefully work up to something I can wear. I am going to learn how to cook a bunch of stuff with her and my aunts, too.
We’ll see how this goes. Its good to have this time to chill. I’m just a girl who is not used to breaks and now I am adjusting to how to truly enjoy one.
My Affections…“You must know, surely you must know, it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I’d scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love… I love… I love you. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”
Mr Darcy - “Pride & Prejudice” by Jane Austen
(Source: savemesilvergirl, via katiebenson)
I want to be able to give my heart to someone. I know this is weird, but physically be able to donate my heart to someone. My eyes. My kidney. My bone marrow. Things that make me up. I want to be able to love people that I barely know enough to give them what makes me physically up on this earth. Why? Because I’m selfish. I do things to get me further in this life rather than help other people. I make myself sick when I think about what was done for me. Someone already gave their life for me. For little ole me, who definitely does not deserve it. I want to live my life in a way that I can be satisfied. But really, do I know what will make me satisfied? Only God does. He knows me better than I know myself. I want to be able to use whatever circumstances I find myself in for good. To be the light that shows them the Way when they least expect it. To be a farmer, to plant seeds everywhere. Not every seed a farmer plants grows, but the more seeds that he plants, the more percentage of plants that grow. Whether I’m working at McDonald’s with my co-workers who come to barely get by with, or I’m at drum corps where people come to make themselves better than everyone else around them, I want to be the color in a gray world. To show them that there is more in this world than just going against struggles or trying to make themselves rise to the top. To turn their whole world upside-down with the possibilities that they have with Him. It makes me churn deep inside with pain and suffering for all of the people that are going to be lost. I want to do anything I can that He allows me to do to turn that around. I don’t necessarily know what He has in store for me, but, whatever it is, I want it to be satisfying. To allow me to have lived my life abundantly with no regrets. So that I will have given everything that I could have possibly given without holding anything back. This life is short. Very short. And that is so scary to me. To know that I can die into something I have never known before and never come back to earth to anything I know now. I can’t imagine death.. not being alive on this earth. They tell me its going to be great and I have that hope and trust in Him that He will keep His promises. Other people don’t have that hope and trust. They have nothing to live for except for things that are going to ruin and die. Its hopeless. So here’s little ole me, trying to see the big picture of things.. trying to see where I fit in this seemingly hopeless picture. All I know to do is pray and seek every opportunity that I can to show Him and do His Will. And I have faith that if I do that, everything will fall into place, and I’ll be exactly where He wants me. That’s true assurance. No worries. Oh, how I love Him for that. J
Sorry.. skipped a few days..
So, I haven’t done Zumba OR chopped out yet, so I plan on doing those when I get home.
Today, I prayed for the initiative to want to do better as a Christian, such as fervently read and study my bible, not just when I am in worship or pray when I need something from God. I ate with Richard and Mary Harp today, and those two were just the thing that I truly think God sent for me to be a better servant in His kingdom. It was like a recharge for me spiritually. I thank God for creating the kingdom and the whole chain of encouragement I continually get from my brothers and sisters!
I am giving drum lessons.. To one, it is on 4 mallet ( I consider that my specialty) and to the other, it is on drum set. The drum set ones are with a 7 year-old and he is adorable! He was really impressive, but it was sort of a clean slate and I am teaching him how to read music.. Oh how I wish I had that when I was 7! Its also making me grow, too, because I am studying more on different techniques on drum set so I can teach it better…
I’m really excited about the next Phantom camp.
I’m also really excited about my short course! I didn’t realize how much I missed Freed until I’m gone, and all I want to do is go back!
I washed all of the dishes this morning (there were a lot of them!) and vaccumed the den for mom. Its kind of like a game to see what I can do to help her out without asking her.
Yeah, I’m bored. Trying to keep myself busy.. I don’t know how to have a break!
